There's one in every crowd: that friend who is always motivated to do her best. She's always up for a challenge and seems to have endless energy. How does she do it? The rest of us often struggle with motivation, especially when times get tough. But don't worry; there are ways to increase your motivation and start seeing results. Keep reading for tips on how to find your motivation and achieve your goals!

The Hamster Wheel

Too often, we busy women feel like we're running on a hamster wheel. We're constantly doing and going, but it seems like we're not getting anywhere. We all know the feeling of being unmotivated – our minds are foggy, our energy is low, and everything feels like an effort.

When we're feeling unmotivated, it can be tough to get moving (or get off the hamster wheel in our minds). Our minds are foggy and our energy is low, and everything feels like an effort. It's easy to give up and just stay in bed all day (or worse, keep going at a pace that isn't sustainable). But the truth is that we can increase motivation – we just need to know-how.

What if I told you that we can ‘hack’ our brains to the extent where we can have motivation anytime we want?

What if I told you that the answer is not actually motivation, because its inherent meaning is flawed? Whoa….read that again.

By the end of this article, you’re going to have a different perspective of motivation and practical, effective ways of making it happen every single time.

Motivation Is Inherently Unhelpful

Motivation is crap. It’s this concept that we seek after, and sometimes we feel it as a sparkle or burst of energy, and more often than not, we wake up one day and it’s….gone. Poof! And we are left feeling bereft. Kara Loewentheil talks about it being like a friend who ghosts you when you need them, but who pops up back into your life unexpectedly.

If I was to tell the story, “I’m going to motivate myself to go for a walk after I finish writing today,” what comes up for you? I’ve asked hundreds of clients what this question means to them, and the majority talk about how that story implies either a low or high emotional desire to go for a walk.

Now, what about this story, “I have the intention to go for a walk after I finish writing today”? I follow up with those same clients with this story and I get a very different response from the first story. Every individual I have seen described that story summed up as: “Well, you’re just going to go for a walk”.

In this exercise, I ask the clients “what’s different between these two stories?” And after rumbling with the differences, people begin to point out the lack of emotional connection to the task. Which story do you feel is more or less likely to have an action associated with it?

I’m going to get a bit nerdy for a second, because as we rumble with motivation, how many of us look to where it even came from? A cultural definition we use is that motivation guides all behaviour socially, emotionally, mentally, and physically through extrinsic (motivations from external things like rewards/consequences) and intrinsic (motivations from the internal like personal achievement) means. Theories in psychology about motivation further describe that motivation is as a result of basic human instincts and desires that drive behaviour, are dictated by biological needs, or by the need to maintain a certain level of arousal.

Other theorists discuss that motivation is:

• Situational – The situation we are in influences our motivation; for example, it is easy to motivate yourself to go on a hike after you have already put your hiking boots and backpack on.

• Personal/Attributional – Our personality, as well as our beliefs about ourselves influence how motivated we will be in certain situations (for instance, if my belief is that I am a ‘lazy person’, then it will be more difficult for me to be motivated to do something).

• Cognitive – This has to do with how we think about the task at hand. For example, if I think that the walk is going to be really hard, then I may not be as motivated to do it.

• Motive – This has to do with what I want out of the walk, or my goal for going on this walk.

One thing is clear through all these definitions: motivation is a result of something else; it’s like a butterfly that alights upon your shoulder and whispers in your ear words you cannot hear.

Theories in philosophy about motivation come to the same conclusion: that it’s a result of something else entirely; whether it be our desires, needs, or wants. So why do we seek motivation? Why do we give so much power to this concept?

I think the reason we seek motivation is that it gives us a sense of hope. Hope that this time, things will be different. That we can finally break through and achieve our goals. But as I said before, motivation is crap. It’s fleeting and unreliable and often leaves us feeling worse than when we started. So what do we do instead?

Intention

We use intention. Intention is a powerful tool in changing our behavior because it’s not conditional: we don't have to feel like doing the thing in order for us to do it. It’s not dependent on motivation, but rather on something from within; your values or purpose perhaps. What are you seeking? What is meaningful to you that requires your action? When we can answer these questions, motivation becomes irrelevant.

Intention gives us a sense of certainty and calmness in the face of chaos. It is a lighthouse that guides us through the stormy seas of life. And it’s always there for us, no matter how unmotivated we may feel. All we have to do is ask: “What is my intention today?”

Next time you are having trouble with motivation, try asking yourself the following questions instead:

• What is my intention today?

• What do I want to achieve?

• How can I make this task more enjoyable for myself?

• Is there someone I can talk to who will help me stay accountable?

• What are the benefits of completing this task?

By answering these questions, you are setting the groundwork for a successful outcome. And remember, intention is always there for you, no matter how unmotivated you may feel. All you have to do is ask.

Intention gives us a sense of certainty and calmness in the face of chaos. It is a lighthouse that guides us through the stormy seas of life. Just remember to include what else is going on in your life.

What's the Context of Your Life?

Look beyond the story you are asking your body to act out. What else is going on? I met with a client the other day who had been removing emotion from tasks she was working to do, yet was still struggling at the action stage.

We started to explore what else was going on in her world. She was tired, lethargic, and overwhelmed, and at first, struggled to pinpoint why. We did a little exercise of where her emotional bank account was at, and the answers became clear.

Right now, 23 months into the pandemic, there is a collective level of stress we feel as a community; indeed, we feel it likely in different ways, but it’s there, hovering just behind the surface.

The client was trying to remain at her level of productivity pre-pandemic, but when we accounted for the collective stress, we started to see a new story emerge as we mapped it out. We also started to make the connection that the client’s dominant narrative was linking her self-work with what she described productivity as.

Change your Definition of Productivity

What if we start to shift our definitions of productivity? What would that look like, and what would it feel like in your body?

Oftentimes, I find clients come to me because they are feeling unproductive. This can take many forms; from not doing a task (no matter how big or small) that is on their list, to not getting enough done at work.

This is the point where we start to explore:

1. What does productivity mean for you?

2. What does it mean to be productive in your day?

In a world that tells us more is better and faster is best (especially during our working hours), shifting this narrative can be incredibly valuable. It can also be incredibly difficult to do in isolation because we often seek external validation for our beliefs and values.

When I work with clients, we look at the feelings that come up alongside the narrative of being productive as well as what it means when they are unproductive.

One client described their experience of productivity like this: “I feel like a good person when I’m productive. I feel like I’ve done something valuable with my time. It makes me happy and gives me a sense of accomplishment.”

On the other hand, being unproductive made them feel “like a lazy piece of shit who can't get her life together.”

I will note that this client did not say all of these things, but I can tell you she felt them. When we have a belief around what it means to be productive (and unproductive), the narrative and emotions tied to that belief run deep – they affect our behavior and how we show up in the world.

A few questions for you:

• What would it look like if we shifted our definition of productivity?

• What if you were to change the definition of productivity to be inclusive of tasks completed and self-care?

• What are some things you could do instead? For example, maybe productive means: completing one task on my list, or working for a certain number of hours. Alternatively, maybe it means taking a break, going outside for a breath of fresh air, sitting on the couch, or reading a book.

• What would that sound like?

• Instead of stress and anxiety, what would you have instead and how would you show up in the world?

Start Small

When we have a belief that running on empty is the way things end up getting done, it's incredibly hard to change. Chronic stress and burnout are real! That doesn’t mean you can't change your narrative; instead of jumping in with both feet, start small.

Maybe for today, being productive means getting outside for a quick walk. Maybe it means taking a nap or doing a gentle yoga class. Maybe it's getting out of bed and sitting on the floor or taking a shower.

Once you get in the habit of shifting your definition of productivity and start to notice how it makes you feel, we can slowly increase our efforts.

Check-in with yourself:

• Where are you now?

• What does being productive mean for you today?

• How would changing this narrative shift your perspective?

You may have heard the phrase: “we get what we focus on.” If you continue to hold the belief that being productive means running yourself into the ground, then this is going to be your reality.

We can change our narratives and shift our beliefs. The best place I've found for doing that is by exploring them through self-compassion and curiosity:

• What does that look like for you?

• What would it feel like to have a compassionate dialogue with yourself about productivity?

• To be curious about what being productive means for you, your life, and your work?

When we explore our beliefs around productivity and motivation (and anything else in our lives), it can be incredibly liberating. It opens up the possibility for change and growth.

Conclusion

So how do we increase motivation? We explore our beliefs and values around productivity, acknowledge the contexts of our lives, and we start small. When we change our definition of motivation, it can be incredibly liberating – opening up the possibility for change and growth.

Does this stoke a fire in you? Learn more from Kara Loewenthiel, host of the podcast, Unf*ck Your Brain, and about what she has to say about motivation here. Prepare to have your mind blown.