How to Take Control Over Your To-Do List Now to Feel More Contentment and Peace
When I went on vacation recently, it took a good 5 days to do a hard reset. I noticed with the absence of pressure and stress I had been feeling, I still wasn’t sleeping or resting for the first few days. I noticed my thoughts were still feeling overwhelmed by the task list I had for when I got back from vacation and I couldn’t engage with the relaxation I had been so looking forward to.
Has this ever happened to you?
It’s a common thing for many, and I hear about it a lot in the counselling room about thoughts that just won’t turn off, and just keep spinning.
Prior to turning 25, I could spin around well, and only after a few minutes would I feel dizzy and need to sit down. After I turned 30, that tolerance has decreased… a lot. I can spin once or twice and then I need to sit down.
So here’s the kicker… why do we feel like we ‘should’ keep spinning around like an infinite top?
We live in a culture where, as Brene Brown says:
“It takes courage to say yes to rest & play, in a culture where exhaustion is seen as a status symbol.”
Many clients catch me up on their days from session to session, and I frequently hear, “oh man, it has been crazy busy!” or “Wow, so much has gone on, where do I begin.” The commonality between these individuals is similar levels of exhaustion.
When we peel back the layers to this, we see another story emerge entirely—a story of avoiding the feeling of ‘being lazy, unproductive, or complacent’.
I’m reading a good book right now called, '‘Laziness Does Not Exist” by Devon Price, Ph.D., and the author unwraps the lies we have been believing about ourselves. Those are:
Our self-worth is measured by our productivity
Your own feelings, boundaries, and thoughts are untrustworthy
There is always more to do
Think of how these lies interact with your own life.
How often do you sit down, and say to yourself “I should be doing ______”?
How often do you measure success by your level of productivity?
Are there moments where your thoughts are critically analyzed by you that are harsh or negative?
If you can find some answers to this… you are not alone.
I’ve been there too. And it’s exhausting. How does i"t make you feel?
There was a time in my life where The Perfect Calendar would fix everything, along with the nicely organized to-do list; yet, I would spend hours creating this Perfect System, and all have it fall apart after the first few weeks (or days…). Why?
Because I had a story about myself that ‘Once I am organized, I’ll be more productive, which will make me finally feel better about myself.’
The thing is… you could have ‘the perfect’ job, system, accomplishments, ideas, social life, etc, but after the initial excitement has worn off, you are back to feeling the way you felt before.
This is because things/people/accomplishments, etc. don’t make you happy.
Those are centered on the way you talk to yourself, feel about yourself, and interact with yourself.
Imagine for a moment that you were two separate beings and those beings are friends. Now imagine that you talked to your ‘friend’ the way that you talk to yourself. How would that friend feel? Would they feel lifted up and encouraged? Would they feel hurt and put down?
Now imagine that those two friends were close. They cared for each other in a kind and respectful way. If there were things that needed to be addressed, they were, but in that respectful way. Conversations were full of love and grace. They celebrated each others' passions and successes, grieved together, laughed together. How would you feel about this relationship?
I love what Price (2021) says;
“The truth is, we don’t have to constantly push ourselves past the brink. We don’t have to hate ourselves or resent other people for having limitations and needs. Taking a break, saying no, and cutting back on responsibilities is not laziness. Laziness does not exist.”
Dream with me for a minute…
If laziness did not exist in your world, how would you show up in the world? What would you create? What would you do with all the extra space in your brain saved from stopping the spinning top?
I have found clients of mine report positive experiences using the following exercise about adapting the to-do list to be more manageable.
I have also found that they started to give themselves the rest and play they so desperately have been needing.
Print it out and give it a try.
Hi, I’m Sharla
I’m a Registered Social Worker who specializes in working with women to heal anxiety and all the fun it brings to the party, ADHD struggles, disordered eating, shame, and trauma.
I founded Bloom Narratives, a private practice that provides holistic wellness services.
Why? So you can be a game changer in your life. Because healing people heal people.