Self-healing is a process that requires a daily commitment to small, sustainable actions. If you want to see real, lasting change in your life, it's important to identify and recognize your core beliefs. These are the beliefs that shape your worldview and determine how you interact with the world around you. In this blog post, we'll discuss the importance of core beliefs and how they can impact your self-healing journey. We'll also provide tips for recognizing these beliefs and making positive changes in your life!
What is a belief?
A belief is a thought or idea that you hold to be true. Your core beliefs are the most fundamental and important thoughts that you have about yourself and they exist out of being validated repeatedly. They determine how you see yourself, what you think is possible for you, and how you interact with the world around you.
Why are core beliefs important?
Your core beliefs play a central role in your life and can affect every aspect of your well-being. They shape your worldview and determine how you respond to challenges and setbacks. If your core beliefs are negative, they can limit your potential and keep you stuck in unhealthy patterns of behavior. On the other hand, if your core beliefs are positive, they can empower you to achieve great things and lead a healthy, fulfilling life.
Core beliefs are the core of your being. They represent who you are and how you act in the world. The core belief is a core concept, which can be defined as an idea that forms around something else such as a person or place; it's important to recognize these core concepts because they will shape your worldview and determine what actions take place when dealing with those things (e.g., if someone has been traumatized by a parent then their entire life might revolve around protecting themselves from any future harm). Identifying them allows one to see where there may be blocks/issues holding back progress towards healing - like having red flags up all over themselves saying "You're not good enough" so nothing gets done right now until these core beliefs are addressed first.
One of my core beliefs that ran the party in my head for a large majority of my life that became clear to me when I did this work myself was: I'm never enough. It became an issue in all areas of my life, ran my thoughts, dictated my actions, and led to some pretty serious problems around shame. It did, however, drive my ambition, independence, and self-sufficiency, but it always flared up when my brain told me that I wasn't as perfect as I ought to be.
I remember in flashes (like a movie montage) where this story came from. It came from moments at school where I was singled out for inattention or being too talkative. The core memory solidified to a block of cement when I was in eighth grade and was given an award for "most likely as an adult to forget her child at Wal-mart". I realized how much this actually impacted what I believed about myself too as a new mom many years ago, where I was constantly worried about where my son was.
The flash of insight here came to me when I was at my friend’s house with my baby sobbing on her couch because I couldn't take the weight of shame I felt about myself. She sat with me, let me cry, and made me look at her as she told me what the evidence said.
In my reflection, I remember learning from this event that if I was able to control what I did and how other people saw me, people wouldn't see how hard it was for me to remember things, follow through on tasks requiring fast processing, or working memory. Instead, I wanted to be able to make sure they couldn't judge me for anything that I couldn't defend. So. Perfection was the goal. Clothes, body, appearance, professional success. Outwardly, it looked good. Inside, I was a hot mess. Ultimately, I learned that the only relief I got was through reliance on external validation of the image I was projecting of someone who was strong, capable, attractive, and smart. I saved all the 'kudos' cards I received from different places as a way of trying to prove to myself that I was competent and worthy.
I shared this story with you to demonstrate an example of how something that was intended as comedic and lighthearted (the award from junior high) can actually contain stories our minds interpret and integrate into the beliefs that shape ourselves. Because I was already sensitive to my tendency to forget things (I was not diagnosed with ADHD until my late 20s), this award validated in a strong way all the difficulty I had when I forgot things (i.e. getting in trouble, singled out, laughed at, called names, shamed, etc).
Confirmation Bias
Once a memory has been made, your brain turns into a search engine that is tuned into keywords that confirm the memory. For me, my keywords were 'not enough', 'forgetful', and 'missed out'. This is called confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is when you look for evidence to confirm what you already believe. It is essentially an echo chamber that confirms how right or wrong we are about our core beliefs.
The issue with core beliefs, and the reason they can be so difficult to let go of, is because they are often based on memories where there was emotional significance (positive or negative) at a time in your life when your brain did not have the ability to integrate new information into its neural connections as well as it does now.
This means that core beliefs get stuck like cement in these early parts of childhood development before puberty where all our core beliefs get formed - between ages 0-12 years old according to Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, authors of How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.
What can you do?
Acknowledge that your core beliefs may not be true: This is the first step in being able to change them. Just because you believe something doesn't make it true! You might have heard this before, but it bears repeating. When we challenge our core beliefs, it opens up space for other possibilities and new insights to emerge.
Start paying attention to when your core beliefs show up: Start noticing when those thoughts or feelings come up for you. For example, if I'm feeling anxious about an upcoming meeting at work, my core belief of 'I'm not good enough' may show up as a thought like 'I'm going to make a fool of myself' in this meeting.
Seek out supporting evidence: When core beliefs show up, ask yourself what the core belief is that's driving it? For example 'I'm not good enough'. Then seek out supportive evidence for how you are worthy and what your strengths are as a person to challenge the core belief. This may mean sharing this with someone close to you who can help support you and reassure you that these core beliefs do not hold truth about who YOU really are - they're just old stories from years ago that are playing in your mind like an old record on repeat.
Once you become aware of core beliefs, the more quickly and consistently you challenge them and replace them with new evidence that supports a more positive belief, the faster they can be replaced by core beliefs that are an expression of how much value there is in YOU!
Challenging Core Beliefs Starts with Small Steps
A core belief is like a deep-rooted tree in the earth. It takes time and patience to uproot it, especially when you don't have an immediate tool for doing so. By taking small daily steps towards challenging core beliefs that aren't serving you well, over time, you can slowly begin to shift the foundation of who you are.
Some examples of small steps that can be taken daily towards challenging core beliefs:
Journaling: This is a great way to get in touch with what your core beliefs are, and how they show up for you. It's also a way to track your progress as you challenge them.
Saying No: When we're used to always saying yes out of a sense of obligation or guilt, it can be really tough to start saying no. But by honouring our own needs and desires, we're telling ourselves that we matter. And when we start putting our own needs first, it sends a message to our core belief system that says 'I'm worthy and I'm worth it'.
Meditation: This is a great way to start noticing when core beliefs show up as thoughts during meditation, because they're often the dominant noises in our heads that can be distracting. By becoming aware of them, we become more able to challenge them.
Gratitude: This is a simple way of creating more positive core beliefs. By appreciating the many things we do have in our lives, it can help shift core beliefs from 'I'm not enough' to 'There's so much I have to be grateful for'.
The Best Tool for Self-Healing: Your Mindset
Self-healing requires a daily commitment to small, sustainable actions that cumulatively lead to lasting change. It starts with developing the mindset that core beliefs are like old stories you tell yourself about who you are, and by acknowledging that these core beliefs don't hold the truth about who YOU really are! Challenge them consistently over time by seeking out evidence that supports more positive core beliefs. When we take small, daily steps towards this challenge, we're telling ourselves that we matter and are worth it.
The best tool for self-healing is your own mindset - so start today by recognizing your core beliefs and taking small steps to challenge them!